Crew Looks Like A Lady
by TheNinthMaiden
Summary: The Log Pose needs to be set. It will take a week. But Nami has some bad news about the island they need to sail to...


**Author's Note:**

This… was just done on a whim thanks to a certain episode of Slayers. I haven't written any One Piece fics yet, so if the crew seems totally out of character, sorry! I'm trying to be close-ish. Obviously, they don't belong to me, so all you get are my biased versions.

This story is dumb, intended to be dumb, and written mostly when I have writer's block for the other fic I'm writing. Even though I _could_ do more chapters of this, I won't unless for some reason people really want me to. I assure you, though, the story would continue to be dumb... you cannot make this anything else.

Don't bother asking exactly where this story fits in. Just accept it. Just accept all of it.

* * *

There were very few situations the Straw Hats _couldn't_ handle. When it came to pure brute strength, they had it in spades. When it came to sheer tenacity it was unquestionable they had it. Strategy? While they might not obviously use it, they had some uniquely sharp minds among them. They had a deceptive sort of clever to them, so deceptive they probably didn't even realize it themselves sometimes. Of course, trumping every other trait the crew had was, of course, the strength of their friendship, that bond that tied this motley crew together as nakama. It wasn't as though they hadn't struggled and had their share of close calls, of course, but in the end each life threatening situation seemed to simply make them that much stronger.

Even so… they were ill prepared for this.

"… whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?" That seemed to be the resounding cry that tried to shatter Nami's ears after she'd delivered her news. Why she, the _navigator _ had been forced to gather the information on their next destination was a bit sketchy. She got them where they needed to go... she read the weather patterns... she wasn't supposed to do the grunt work. But in the end it'd turned out that she'd been one of only two crew members suitable for the job. The situation though, was a bit… odd. She wasn't happy about it either, considering how much extra work this was going to cause her, but what she'd really been dreading was the look the rest of the crew was giving her.

"Can't we just sail to the other side and dock there or something?" Nami sighed and looked at ever shaking and panicking Usopp, a wry smile on her lips. If he said anything about some fake disease she was going to get violent.

"I wish we could… but they've completely circled the island."

"Just send her and Robin alone, end of problem." The words had barely slipped out of Zoro's mouth before Sanji was in his face, the end of his cigarette bobbing right by Zoro's nose as the cook quite fervently began to defend the honor of the ladies on the ship.

"Are you stupid you idiot marimo? There's no way we can send the lovely and delicate Nami-swan and Robin-chan to an island full of perverts alone!"

The swordsman glared at him, but in that deadpan 'you're being an idiot as always' sort of way. Sanji looked about ready to chew through his cigarette or forcefully place his foot inside of Zoro's skull… it was hard to tell which. Smoke seemed to puff out of Sanji's mouth like an angry dragon. Zoro, however, looked completely calm and unimpressed, ignoring the cook's ire almost completely. There was an arrogant glint in the swordsman's eye, too, he'd never back down from the blond. From a few feet away, the gangly form of their resident musician piped up with his own opinion.

"I must agree! To send our lovely nakama to an island full of men who will no doubt ask to see the color of their…"

"Enough! It's still a fact that we need supplies, and probably a week for the Log Pose to pick up our next destination." Nami cut in, not needing this to go any further. The skeleton finished his statement at a half whisper, eliciting a snicker from the sniper. Of course the minute her voice filled the air, Sanji's attention swiveled right back to her. Crisis averted for now. She brought a hand to her mouth, biting her thumb as she stared at Luffy. He hadn't said anything yet based on the news, just stood there grinning and staring at the barricade.

"Can't we just, ah, hide on the ship somewhere while Robin and Nami sail through the checkpoint? Then just stay on board until we leave?" The long nosed sniper seemed hopeful... even if his posture showed that he clearly doubted anyone would listen to him.

"That won't work Usopp…" Nami said slowly, shaking her head. Chopper looked up at her in a small panic. Apparently he'd liked the idea of hiding too.

"There's no way there'd be just two girls sailing this ship around," Zoro answered bluntly. He stared away from the cook who seemed ready to shout out that Nami and Robin could do anything they tried, but a certain cyborg spoke up first, yet again preventing a potential crisis.

"The Sunny is SUPER, but… it needs more than two people as a crew. No one would believe just the two of them were in command." Franky seconded the thought. The plan wouldn't fool anyone…and from what Nami'd heard, the checkpoints all searched each vessel _very _carefully. Obviously, hiding crewmates was pretty common. _'I'm really not surprised.'_

"Can't we just bust our way through the checkpoint?" Ah the overly simple plan of Luffy. She shook her head.

"What, and be on the run until the Pose sets? I don't think so! I'm not hiding in some cave for a week." Nami tried to believe that there was a good solution for this, but relying on Luffy for that solution may not have been the best idea. When he turned with that giant manic grin on his face she felt like wilting to the ground. All eyes turned to him as he gave a small laugh, the gleam in his eyes seeming especially proud for the idea he had. _'Why is he even allowed to be part of planning?' _

"Alright, it's settled! If only girls are allowed through, then we dress up as girls!" Jaws dropped, faces pinched into scowls, and tongues were clicked in annoyance at the sheer stupidity of it all. Yes, almost everyone argued against the idea (Robin simply looked quietly amused)… but they all knew deep down that you just couldn't argue with Monkey D. Luffy. It was like shouting at a wall.

--

She honestly didn't know if she should be laughing… or sobbing at the poor abuse some of her clothes were going through. Lined up in front of her and Robin were hours worth of effort into turning the Staw Hat Crew into… well… a testosterone lacking line up. The only one not in the line was Chopper… who they figured could pass as a pet as always. A tiny pink bow was replacing his hat though, just in case... and because the other guys had only demanded it as fair. The redhead cast a doubtful glance at Robin next to her, but aside from a tiny bit of amusement in that smile, Robin seemed calm. Nami sighed and looked back at the 'guys'. _'Well… we HAVE seen all sorts of women out here…' _ It was hard to call some of them female. The question was… would these guys be able to pass? She took a look at each one of them in turn.

Franky, hands down, was the least convincing. His broad shoulders and massive forearms totally denied any sort of feminine shape, and also made it impossible to fit any of their existing clothes on him. Surprisingly, it wasn't too tough to get a small skirt onto him, a simple white mini. She'd managed to stretch and mangle a pair of lavender stockings onto him, to hide all that leg hair. The top had been tricky, and at the sacrifice of a small flower curtain, well, they had a sort of off the shoulder number that was… girlish enough. The bow clip that sat at the top of that pompadour hair of his seemed absurd, but Franky did at least have some nice long lashes.

Next was Brooke… who was iffy if only because… well… he was a skeleton. It wasn't too difficult for them to get some of their clothes to hang off those bones but… well… would a skeleton be allowed through? A dead girl was still a… girl, right? They'd gone with some flared pants, not wanting to show off too much bone, er, leg. The blouse had been stuffed, which was absurd, but Brooke had insisted, finding the whole thing funny. A flower was stuffed into the afro for further femininity.

Zoro had flat out refused to change out of his clothes, which had presented quite the problem. He was against this idea completely, of course. His stubborn strength made it nearly impossible to simply force the clothes on him, and there was no reasoning with the swordsman. Yes, he knew they needed to dock at the island to set the pose, but he demanded to be tied up and passed off as some sort of male captive. The dark gleam in his eye when Nami told him that he'd just be killed on sight had sent shivers down her spine, but she'd persisted. Yes... he could have probably taken out all the guards, but they were trying to be covert here. Not stir up trouble. So, while his normal clothes were indeed still on, a skirt of sorts had been fashioned over his legs. Well, perhaps it was better to call the green cloth a sarong. Nami hoped maybe with that and the earings Zoro wore anyway it would work out.

Usopp actually had some nice hair, Nami had found when removing his hat and playing with the dark curls. And... considering the sniper wasn't the most muscle clad individual out there, it wasn't too terribly difficult to get him into a long dress with a flowy skirt. It was out of style really, but the pastle colors seemed to suit Usopp's naturally darker complextion well. Plus... having that long skirt helped to hide the brave Captain Usopp's shaking knees. It seemed like he might work out ok.

Sanji was looking obviously uncomfortable about his get up, although all it took was a smile and praise from either Nami or Robin to get him to perk right up and happily parise the outfit they'd come up with. Fearful that if something went wrong on the island, Sanji would start kicking, they avoided any skirts or dresses that would end up causing the cook to flash more of himself that Nami at least wanted to see. So, he had on some fitted pants (hiding that leghair thankfully), and butterfly print flowy babydoll tank top. Nami had managed to find a long wig (please don't ask her why she had it, come on, she used to deceive people for Arlong all the time), blond hair now seeming to extend in waves down his back. Oddly, Robin had been able to get even a bit of lipstick onto Sanji, but couldn't get him to shave those hairs off his chin. Oh well, he looked passable so long as he didn't go around kissing people.

Taking a breath, Nami stared at Luffy. Smiling away in something Nami could only call a 'granny dress', the captain seemed oblivious to the situation for now. His straw hat was given a couple of flowers to make it seem like a bonnet. She suspected Luffy hadn't put up much fuss because he'd been too busy laughing at how silly the other guys looked. If he ever noticed that he had bows on, he'd probably start pulling them off and completely not understand why they needed the disguises. _'Please don't let that happen.'_

"Well... shall we go ladies?" Namie asked, with a grin that had a sort of 'don't you dare mess this up' threat laced underneath it. Of course Sanji jumped to agree, but everyone else but Robin and Luffy seemed less than happy about the idea. Forward and onward, though. Luffy was going to become the pirate king... and not even a little bit of cross dressing would get in his way.


End file.
